The Gentlemen’s Guide to Staying in Touch
Recently, I saw a meme post on a friends Facebook page, it said something to the effect of ‘The texting stopped when I stopped texting them.’ I immediately said to myself, but I just talked to him! I realized it wasn’t about me…this time. I am fortunate to have a large circle of friends. It would be a full-time job to check in weekly or even every other week. But is that the right answer? I struggled with this and took some time to reflect. I am the last person to throw stones at a comment like this, maybe some changes are in order.
Who do I call first?
This isn’t necessarily about calling or texting all the time. For me it’s about keeping up with close friends and their lives. After losing too many of them at the tail end of COVID, I did my part to establish a quarterly Guys Night but that certainly doesn’t impact everyone. I keep finding myself justifying the ‘why?’ So, let’s look at the ‘why’ with the hopes of coming to a place of feeling like we did our part.
- Checking in via social media is simple, easy and doesn’t take much time. You ‘Like’ or ‘Comment,’ maybe throw a ‘DM’ at them here and there. For some, that may be enough. Gauge that one based on how the other guy responds.
- The most obvious to me is picking up the phone. Apparently, we’ve become less phone talkers and more texters, we’ll get there. I try to talk to my oldest friends who don’t necessarily live close by. We’re all busy. Life gets in the way. You can either be the one making the call or the one waiting for it. It’s clearly a choice.
- Texting can be a quick and effective way to poke your head in and see how someone is doing. It doesn’t have to be a 15-minute back and forth. It may possibly lead to a phone call or something else. It’s all about letting them know they were on your mind.
- Schedule the dinner or drinks. How many times have we said, ‘Let’s get together for dinner soon!’ The answer is always SURE! But more times than not, the plan doesn’t get made. For the same reasons I’ve shared before. Life is sometimes so complicated for people, it’s hard to make plans. Especially, in my experience, friends with kids. They have more sports, dance, self-defense classes and whatever else kids do today. I applaud parents that allow their kids to have those experiences. Without sports as a kid, who knows what nonsense I would have gotten into!
5. Don’t hold a grudge if you haven’t been trying. Just because your phone isn’t ringing, we all need to do some introspection. You can’t ask people to do more than you do for them. I certainly have friends that call me more than I do. It’s usually right around the time I tell myself to reach out first. Alas, the plan fails and there I am apologizing for not reaching out sooner. I know I need to do better. Hopefully this gets some of you to do the same.
6. How about setting the next touch point before you hang up or head home from dinner? If you’re not a planner by design, what better way to get the next check point on the calendar? Scheduling out 2-3 months or whatever the cadence needs to be BEFORE this one is over, takes a little pressure off.
7. Ask yourself why you are the first to reach out or why you rarely do? This is a much deeper question that I obviously can’t answer here. I don’t believe that most of us are ignoring anyone, it just comes down to where do friendships fit in your list of things to do. Harsh? Maybe? The good news is that most of us struggle with this. So, unless you have that one friend that calls all the time, you’re in significant company.
8. Be aware of the Brothers that you haven’t seen or heard form in a while. Depression is a real thing. Your call or text may just be what you buddy needed that day. If you sense something is wrong, make plans to see them sooner than later.
What do I do now?
Every person, every relationship and every friendship are different and important at the same time. If you are fortunate enough to have multiple groups of friends from your childhood, college, your first job and even the ones you hang out with now, be grateful. Now, invest in them as best you can. I assure you that if you start being the first to call, your phone will ring more too. You get out of life what you put into it. So go make the call!
Take care of yourselves and your brotherhood!
Colin Furcht- BRO Beard Products CEO
Colin has been a long time Lake Norman resident and has been very active in the community. From Commissioner to founding the Lake Norman Lighted Christmas Boat Parade to now a featured Author and small business owner! His desire is to bring men together and encourage them to reach out. He has always said, ‘look out for yourselves and each other.’ All men need a Brotherhood. www.brobeardproducts.shop
