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A death in the family, especially an unexpected one, brings with it immense heartache. When someone loses a loved one, it can be awkward to speak to them. You want to say the right thing, you think about it, and even look it up online, but you can’t figure out what to say. I sympathize with you. I’ve been there. 

I’m sharing some valuable advice that will comfort your loved one while they are grieving. This guidance will ensure you say the right thing. You might want to copy and share this article. Though I hope you don’t need it, it might be handy one day. 

What Not to Say

• Everything happens for a reason
• At least they lived a long life
• They are in a better place
• You should be over it by now
• You can have another child
• Thank God you have other children – (someone told my mother after my brother died)
• Don’t worry, you’ll get married again – my personal favorite
• Advice – Don’t compare their loss to your own experiences
• Advice – Don’t try to fix them. Let them grieve

What to Say

• I am so sorry for your loss
• I wish I had the right words. Please know I care, and I’m thinking of you
• I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can
• You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers
• My favorite memory of your loved one is…
• I am always just a phone call away
• We all need help in times like this. I am here for you
• Advice – Sometimes, just being there and saying nothing is the best comfort

What to Write

I have no words, but I want you to know I love you and am here for you. Oh, (Friend), I just heard about (Name). I’m so sorry.

I’m keeping you in my warmest thoughts as you navigate this difficult time. I wish you hope and healing when you’re ready. I’m here.

With a heavy heart, I wish to offer my sincere condolences to you and your family. I am keeping you and (Name) in my thoughts and prayers. My deepest sympathy.

I am so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you personally during this challenging time, but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

May your beautiful memories provide you comfort during this difficult time.

I am devastated by the news. Please know that I am here for you, and don’t hesitate to call.

From the Heart

Those of us who are grieving need to remember that people mean well. If they seem to be ignoring us, it may be because they are afraid of saying the wrong words. We must be patient with others and understand their good intentions. However, if someone continues to hurt us with their words, it is best to explain how they are causing us pain calmly. It is better to clear the air honestly than to continue pretending what they are saying is okay. It’s a part of your healing.

If you or a friend needs survivor support, don’t hesitate to contact Widow’s Den on Facebook: https://tinyurl.com/WidowsDen. We can help you get your affairs in order before and after a loved one passes. 

Monica Lucia is a successful Entrepreneur, Founder of Widow’s Den, and author of the book The Final Chapter (soon to be released). The Founder of Sisterhood of LKN and The CEO of UFit Medical. 

never too early to plan, but it can definitely be too late.

Monica Lucia is a successful Entrepreneur, The Founder of Widow’s Den, which provides support before and after a passing, The author of The Final Chapter (soon to be released). The founder of Sisterhood of LKN and CEO of UFit Medical.