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“Enjoy the life you have. Discard what’s not working. Celebrate your best life.”
— Cheryl A. Barrett
The quote above is good advice and helps put things into perspective, but the learning curve to arrive at this point takes time. We have all struggled through a loss or some type of trauma often thinking we might never recover. Regardless of the struggle we learned a lot.
Sometimes, we just get through it and keep going never pausing to reflect and embrace the learning that occurred. I have found that “healing and learning” can occur in various ways when you take the time to pause, reflect and embrace what you have learned. This process can happen in various ways: by intention, by helping others, through prayer, by writing, by conversations with others and spontaneously through “AH-HA” moments.
It occurred while I was writing a thank you note to friends back home. They were a younger married couple with three adult children. It brought back memories of me and my husband along with a bit of sadness and thoughts of, I wish I would have done this or that differently.
Then, I thought, if I were them, what would I wish I knew then? I realized I was really talking to myself as well as sharing what I learned.
These brief statements are what I shared. Each one could be expanded to fill a page or more. If you have trouble thinking of one, pick one below and get started with the exercise below.
Time is limited — We never know how much we have.
Love is boundless — We have enough for everyone.
Caring is a choice — Act now lest you have regrets later.
Thoughts drive our actions — Choose your thoughts carefully.
Forgiveness is a gift — Choose to forgive for the sake of your own health.
Healing is a choice — Self-care feeds the process.
Patience is a virtue — It takes practice to accomplish.
Change is constant — It is something you learn, but not force on others.
Aging is inevitable — Don’t let it catch you by surprise. Enjoy the moment.
Take a moment to center yourself by closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Feel your body relax.
Think about the situation, loss or challenge you are going through, or one you survived and moved forward. If you find it challenging to come up with statements, try writing these to a friend as I did. What words of wisdom would you like to share with them that you learned along the way?
For example: time is limited. We know this is true, but in our busyness, we do not pay much attention to it and move through our day, month, year without much thought to assigning a value or priority on our time. Reflect on how you do spend your time and whether or what changes you want to make. This gives your learning a value and brings intentionality into your daily life.
Cheryl A. Barrett, RN, MSN, NC-BC, is a retired nurse with 30-plus years in a variety of settings: clinical bedside in ICU, staff educator, academic instructor both didactic and clinical, supervisor, home care education, editorial director of a nursing magazine and is a board certified integrative nurse coach.
In 2018 she published Good Grief: Strategies for Building Resilience and Supporting Transformation, inspired by the death of her husband. She won the American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year, 2018 in the category of Palliative Care and Hospice for her book. She is currently creating a companion workbook for those experiencing grief and loss.
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