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RESILIENCE: Coping with the Holidays – Make a Plan!

Cheryl Barrett, RN, MSN, NC-BC

Holidays can be challenging.

This past week at my Grief Share meeting, our topic was what to do to get through the holidays. This time of year can be challenging whether you have lost a loved one years ago, or this is your first holiday alone without your loved one. The holidays are a stressful time for those who have lost a loved one. Some struggle through the process with many tears, some with a stiff upper lip, others just don’t engage in any holiday practices.

Your holidays will never be the same without your loved one.

Change is inevitable and time continues to move forward. You can learn how to make it through each holiday event by having a plan that includes family and friends — those who are there to support you. So, start your planning now.

Prioritize and Plan

Make a list of things you want to accomplish. Include the things you want to do and the ones you don’t.
What traditions do you want to continue?
Include the family in discussion so everyone is on the same page.
Review what role you want to play in the holiday regarding tasks and responsibilities.
Be kind to yourself and remember — Don’t Overdo It!

Make a list and decide how you feel about holiday traditions and events. Keep what you like and perhaps try something new! Overall, don’t over commit and be kind to yourself.

Accept Your Limitations

Grief is stressful and takes a lot of your time and energy. Pace yourself and include periods of rest.
Know that your emotions will fluctuate between happiness and sadness.
Allow yourself the flexibility to join in a get-together or not. —- Be Authentic with Your Feelings!

Make sure to include rest times in your holiday plans.

Accommodate Changes and Find Ways to Decrease Your Stress

Consider alternative hosting of holiday events. If you have always been the host in the past, maybe it’s time for someone else to take this responsibility.
Pace yourself by limiting your commitments to your energy level.
Reevaluate your priorities identified in your planning process — Hold on to Your Plan!

Ask for help. You friends and family won’t know what you’d like unless you let them know.

Ask for and Accept Help

Consider asking friends and family to help you. They might just be waiting for you to ask.
Allow room to create new traditions along with some of the old and build family relationships.
Conserve your energy while others support you with caring — Connect and Feel Comforted!

FINALLY — Consider helping others.

You will find that by doing this, you will actually help yourself. For example: a senior center project with gift bags filled with items (socks, razors, can opener, measuring spoons, gloves, candy, etc.) along with a holiday card delivered at the center’s luncheon. Contacting the center or nursing home before you drop off items will help you provide exactly what’s needed at the right time.

Doing something for someone else often helps ourselves.

In case you missed it.

The stress of the holidays can sometimes bring on sad feelings. In my previous two part series, I discussed the signs and symptoms of depression and then how to develop an action plan so you can feel better.

Photos courtesy of Cheryl Barrett

Cheryl A. Barrett, RN, MSN, NC-BC, is a retired nurse with 30-plus years in a variety of settings: clinical bedside in ICU, staff educator, academic instructor both didactic and clinical, supervisor, home care education, editorial director of a nursing magazine and is a board certified integrative nurse coach.

In 2018 she published Good Grief: Strategies for Building Resilience and Supporting Transformation, inspired by the death of her husband. She won the American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year, 2018 in the category of Palliative Care and Hospice for her book. She is currently creating a companion workbook for those experiencing grief and loss.

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