Gentlemen’s Corner w/ Colin Furcht – The Gentlemen’s Guide to Being a Brother Through Someone’s Dark Time

If you have been a faithful reader over the past few years, I hope you will agree that I do my best to be positive, helpful, understanding and sometimes a little tongue in cheek. While life is not always rainbows and unicorns, there times when a man struggles with his life. Be it work, relationships, health and many others I probably haven’t even thought about. These are the times when the Brotherhood should and needs to kick in. You may not hear them ask but THEY NEED YOU. Being that ear, shoulder or even the distraction to what is bringing them down, know you are a vital step in what they do next.

How do I help?

Every situation is different. Understanding what they are going through and helping them find the path back to their normal is key. Listening without judgement or trying to fix it (as hard as that will be) is critical to what a brother needs from you.

1. Being there through the breakup. I would suggest guys struggle more with the end of a relationship than people realize. Regardless of whether they chose to end it or not. A loss is a loss. Certainly, time is a factor here but acknowledging things were good at some point and now they are not, is hard to deal with. No one goes into a relationship expecting it to fail. Men are fixers, fighters, providers. Having a relationship end means we have failed in one way or another. That is hard to accept. Understanding where your Brother is in the process is sometimes hard to understand. He may say he is fine but deep inside he may be really struggling. The loss of a partner either in a breakup or even if they have passed still means now they are alone. Checking in frequently, inviting them out either in a group or one on one will make them feel part of the community that they and their former partner once lived in. In my experience, your core group will be the ones to keep you on the right path. Are you that person who can and will make the call or send the text? You can’t expect others to take on that role if it’s not something you are willing to do. Make the call. Be the temperature check and make sure they don’t sink too far into depression or something even worse…

2. What if they are giving you the feeling like they are going to hurt themselves? This is certainly a much more qualified professional should answer but as someone who has lived it and unfortunately seeing it currently with an acquaintance on social media, you can help in several ways. IF they are making comments that allude they want to hurt themselves or end their life, share with them how you are there for them and encourage them to speak with someone one on one. There is a Suicide Hotline. Dial 988. It is available 24/7/365. They may only be looking for someone to hear them, but you don’t want to take chances. This is a very serious issue that requires the right people to help. Tell them how much they are loved and do your best to listen and help them as much as possible.
   
3. Loss of a job.As someone who has lived through this as well, I can tell you that the circle of Brothers and Friends couldn’t be more important. While they may not be able to help you find a job, they can be a connection to someone or if they ever hear of something, they can let you know. This is another example of men being providers and now losing their income, their value and their ability to provide. If they have a family that depends on them, the pressure is easily more severe. Not to say single men don’t struggle during these times but having other mouths to feed certainly exacerbates things. Offering to listen but also keeping them positive should be your goal. The darkness of the passage of time with no opportunities gets in your head. The longer it takes, the less positive we all become. Brothers need to help keep them from falling into the abyss. In my experience, LinkedIn has become a very challenging space for those looking for work. If you or someone you know is out of work, limit your time in the spaces where others are wallowing in their mess. That NEVER helps build up your confidence or puts you in the right frame of mind to find the best next thing. Positivity is never more important than it is during these times.

How do I know when there is an issue? 

You won’t. As I have shared, men are usually not ones to share when they are struggling. It’s not how we are built. However, if you can show concern and interest, you may get your brother to open up. Having a handful of guys you can share anything with should be the ultimate goal. Be the instigator of discussion and talk about it with others. If we all can be that person, then everything else will fall into place. If you are struggling with ANY of the above or something completely different. PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE! A friend, a family member or a professional. It’s ok to not be ok, but it’s not ok to deal with it alone. 

Take care of yourselves and your brotherhood!

Colin Furcht- Candidate for Cornelius Town Commissioner – BRO Beard Products CEO

Colin has been a long time Lake Norman resident and has been very active in the community. From Commissioner to founding the Lake Norman Lighted Christmas Boat Parade to a featured Author and small business owner! His desire is to bring men together and encourage them to reach out. He has always said, ‘look out for yourselves and each other.’ All men need a Brotherhood. 

Commissioner Page – https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100070548936173