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There are so many ways to celebrate Father’s Day. I remember buying my dad golf balls and tees so he could use them on the golf course. He loved to golf. My husband always got his favorite meal or chose to celebrate by spending the day at the racetrack. He loved horse races and visited racetracks across the country. I was his sidekick on several of these trips and have some wonderful memories.
I have spoken to women who have lost the father to their children and to children who have lost their father. They all share a commonality: “things are different now without him.” Some choose NOT to celebrate because it is too painful a memory. Some women have remarried, and there is a “new dad” now and they celebrate him. Some also celebrate the dad who has passed also, even though they have a new one now. One person said that she would cook her husband’s (son’s dad) favorite meal if her son would be home for Father’s Day. There is no right way or wrong way to celebrate dad whether he is present OR missing.
Several people I spoke to said that Father’s Day does not get the “hoopla” that Mother’s Day does. That it is more quietly celebrated, with Dad often “getting to do something special he wants.” However, gifts are also appreciated. Still others do choose to celebrate with the same “hoopla” that Mother’s Day gets. If you are searching for ways to honor a living father or one who has passed on, here are some suggestions.
For a living father, choose a jar of any shape or size that you find pleasing. Fill the jar with special moments of gratitude for something dad has done. Write them on colorful paper, note cards, or just scraps. These can be collected today or throughout the year and presented to your dad on Father’s Day if he is still living. To make it interesting, do not sign the note and let dad guess who it’s from when he reads it during the celebration.
If your dad has passed away, create the Gratitude Jar as a tribute to him. Family members can take turns pulling a memory out of the jar and reading it to the group.
Either way, DAD is celebrated on this day.
If the family is scattered across the country, try planning a get-together somewhere that has meaning for all. One friend of mine collaborated with her siblings. They planned a family retreat to celebrate their deceased dad at a cabin in the mountains where they all used to vacation. She asked each person to record a memory to share. Each would take turns reading them while together. They all celebrated their dad and also spread his ashes in a place with special meaning. This was not on Father’s Day, but it did not matter the time. It was the meaning and sharing of love for their father, along with healing their grief as a family.
If your dad is still living, a planned get-together and a Memory Jar filled with the most awesome events of the past year could be a great surprise for him.
Lift your glass in a toast to dad. We do this every year with a bottle of beer. My husband’s favorite saying was, “I love beer.” Cook dad’s favorite meal. This one can be done for both living fathers and ones who have passed.
Take dad to a favorite sporting event: race cars, horse races, soccer, or other. You can go yourself if dad is gone and remember him at the event and what joy this brought him.
Let dad choose what he wants to do to celebrate Father’s Day. He is working for the family and doing for others. To have the option to do something for himself is quite a gift.
There are many who have lost their father: the one who fathered them, a father figure, a grandfather, a father through adoption, fathers who have died and left wives to raise the children. There are many ways to honor fathers who have passed. Be creative and choose what feels best for you and your family.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
Cheryl A. Barrett, RN, MSN, NC-BC, is a retired nurse with 30-plus years in a variety of settings: clinical bedside in ICU, staff educator, academic instructor both didactic and clinical, supervisor, home care education, editorial director of a nursing magazine and is a board certified integrative nurse coach.
In 2018 she published Good Grief: Strategies for Building Resilience and Supporting Transformation, inspired by the death of her husband. She won the American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year, 2018 in the category of Palliative Care and Hospice for her book. She is currently creating a companion workbook for those experiencing grief and loss.
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