Have you ever found yourself suddenly upset by something someone said or did—and realized later that your reaction was bigger than the situation called for?
If so, maybe you can relate with Sammy’s story.
The other day, Sammy sent an email to a woman he’d fallen out with, hoping to mend the friendship. He wrote kindly, extending an olive branch. Her response?
“Not interested, and good luck moving on.”
Ouch.
Sammy wasn’t surprised—he knew reconciliation was unlikely—but it hurt nonetheless and he was angry. Then, something clicked: her response wasn’t really about him. She was simply acting according to her nature. What hurt wasn’t so much this moment—but what the moment reminded him of.
What Is a Trigger?
A trigger is your emotional self-defense mechanism—an automatic way to respond to something in the present that feels like an unsettling past circumstance/human interaction. Triggers are about more than what just happened; they’re about what that moment stirs up from your past.
In Sammy’s case, that email tapped into the deep and familiar pain of rejection.
The Power of Awareness
Once Sammy recognized he was triggered, he stepped back to see the situation more clearly. Instead of spiraling into “Why am I not good enough for her?” he began asking himself, “Why did this cause anger?”
He realized he’d been unconsciously depending on this woman’s acceptance to heal the old wound of rejection. When she didn’t offer it, the rejection resurfaced. Sammy, like all of us, was relying on undependable external situations/people to heal his very personal, internal injury.
Turning Inward for Healing
Only we have the power to heal ourselves (with the help of our Faith, if religious). Sammy began to get curious about the source of his trigger. He turned his attention inward as he asked:
Based on his reflection, Sammy began to soothe his own pain instead of expecting others to do it for him.
The Path Forward
The more Sammy gave himself the acceptance he needed, the more he began to respond to life as it is—rather than through the lens of old hurts.
The same healing is available to you, perhaps with the guidance of a qualified therapist. Healing triggers takes time, patience, and intention. But every time you pause, notice, and tend to your feelings/core beliefs about yourself with compassion, you heal a little bit more.
Debbey Woodruff – Your WellBEing Guide – is a certified yoga teacher and mindfulness practitioner. Through yoga therapy, mindful movement, breathwork, and guided self-reflection, Debbey helps you reconnect with your body, calm your mind, and nurture lasting emotional well-being. Experience a compassionate, personalized path to healing and renewal and find your W.O.W. – Whole-body Optimized WellBEing ©. Debbey is the owner of Breakthrough! WellBEing Phone: 704-881-4912 and email:[email protected]
