Widow’s Den W/ Monica Lucia

The List I Wish Someone Had Shown Me

I’ve created a comprehensive checklist to help navigate the often-overlooked tasks that arise after someone passes away. It covers everything from preserving a loved one’s voice to simple actions like forwarding mail, as well as more complex matters such as asset transfers. Since the list is extensive, this will be a two-part series.

Part One – From the heart

1. Start a Journal: Begin by writing down your memories. Your mind is currently focused on all the experiences you’ve shared with your loved one. Friends and family will also share stories, which you can add to your journal. This is not just a task but a therapeutic journey that will help you sleep better, knowing your thoughts are preserved on paper.
2. Save Recorded Messages: It may not sound like a good idea at first, but you’ll love hearing your loved ones’ voice messages years later. 
3. Allow People to Help You: It’s important to have someone assist you in sorting through the office and paperwork, looking for personal accounts, future appointments, upcoming trips that may need to be canceled, or anything that must be dealt with before cancellation charges may apply. This can ease the burden and ensure that essential tasks are not overlooked.
4. Contacts: If you find your loved one’s cell phone, copy their contact list and connect with all recent calls and texts about their passing. You don’t realize who people talk to. 

Part One – Financial

1. Credit cards and CC insurance: Make a complete list of your loved ones’ credit and debit cards; check their wallet, which is an excellent place to start. Business expense accounts and any other open accounts they may have. Each of these institutions may need to be notified of your loved one’s death, and many will require a copy of their death certificate to validate your request to close the account. Also, ask each company whether there is a credit life insurance application that pays off the account in the event of the cardholder’s death. Check auto loans and mortgages for this type of insurance as well.
2. If you have Life Insurance, contact the agent right away. This will help with expenses like funeral expenses. Some funeral homes will talk to the insurance companies to assist with this process.
3. Your Employer—Bereavement time: Your employer may have bereavement time available. Have someone find out how many weeks and maybe even comp insurance for your loss of wages.
4. Spouse’s Employer: Check with your spouse’s employer to verify whether there is a company-sponsored life insurance policy for your spouse and obtain the current information regarding any applicable 401K accounts.
5. Health Insurance: Check the status of your health insurance. If your spouse’s employercovered your family, there may be a grace period when you will still have coverage, but you will want to find out the exact date that any changes in coverage will apply
6. Joint Accounts: If you have investments jointly, these must be addressed and changed. 

Save the Memories 

 It’s crucial to get your affairs in order, especially during such a difficult time. After losing a loved one, finding the strength to tackle necessary tasks can be heartbreaking. My advice?  Don’t discard those birthday cards and notes they sent.  Instead, start collecting those memories while you still can. I have a stack of cards and photos from my childhood that my parents gave me, and they recently celebrated their 65th anniversary. Going through those old pictures together brought us so much joy.

Remember, meaningful moments can easily be missed when you’re focused on your phone, so pick up the phone to make calls, look up, and engage in conversations with your loved ones before all you have left are memories.

If ever you needed a friend, you found one. Widows Den.

Monica Lucia is the Author of the book The Final Chapter, the Founder of Widow’s Den, and the Founder of The Sisterhood of LKN. She holds