Widows Den w/ Monica Lucia

One month after your loss

Everyone has gone back home, and you might experience a range of feelings, including shock, and you may be in denial, mainly if the death was unexpected. When you begin to understand the reality of death, you can feel intensely sad, lonely, and overwhelmed with all that must be done.

You can get checklists online, but this one is based on my experiences and followers. Let’s be honest: This list is just the nuts and bolts of what you must do during the first month after your loved one’s passing. Everyone has different experiences, but our hearts are the same. 

The continued checklist (from Part 1)

1. Meet with a probate attorney if one is required in your state.
2. Locate all necessary documents you might need them—Birth, Marriage, and Divorce certificates.
3. Vehicle registrations, titles, or loans.
4. Tax documents – you must file your loved one’s taxes. 
5. You will need 5-10 certified copies of the death certificate. Many agencies require the original document when they are notified of your recent loss. 
6. You will need to carry a death certificate and your child’s birth certificate with you if you are traveling internationally with a minor child.
7. Be aware you are charged a fee for each copy of the certificate that you order. 
8. If you live in the US, notify your local Social Security Office and have your spouse’s social security number on hand. The SS department will gift you $255. I know this is not close to the value of your spouse’s life, but many of us didn’t know SS did that for you. It’s called a one-time death benefit. 
9. Keep an open file within easy reach for your health insurance if expenses are associated with your loved one that are yet to be paid. You will also need to call the insurance company to inform them of your spouse’s passing.
10. Check your utility bills to ensure all your utilities are in both of your names. Most companies require your name to be on the account before you can act as the service administrator. One thing to be aware of: companies often have to shut the service down and then restart it to change the name on the account.
11. Make banking changes, but you must do this after you have a death certificate in hand.
12. Cancel any recurring membership fees or annual magazine subscriptions that apply only to your spouse and adjust any that apply to both of you.
13. Make changes to emergency contacts as necessary. The children’s school contact form is especially hard to change, but it is also vitally important.

Survival Support

The passing of a loved one is hard to accept, and then you have a ton of paperwork to deal with.  Plus, you have this tremendous grief and shift in what you think life was supposed to be. Talk about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues to help you understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Accept your feelings and take care of yourself.  

These are a few things that will significantly assist you. I have learned these things by helping widows and widowers. One other thing we know is that talking to other widowed people helps.

You might be going through the motions, hoping time will ease your pain, distracting yourself with food, work, wine, or social media, all while questioning if you’ll ever feel whole again.  Yet, the belief that time alone heals is misleading. Time helps our brains adjust, but merely waiting often leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, trapping us in a cycle of survival without proper healing.  Our next article will cover how to overcome waiting for time to pass.

Please don’t hesitate to contact us and join our group sessions. If you ever needed a friend, you found one. Widows Den.

Monica Lucia is a significant volunteer at many of our community events. She is the author of The Final Chapter and The Founder of Widow’s Den and Sisterhood of LKN. Monica is also now the Grieving Support Director at Raymer Kepner Funeral Home.